Hey, 3.5 people who read 'Jake's Blog' for fun and the 2 who read it for signs of the Apocalypse, this blog is moving permanently. It really enjoyed its time here on Blogger, but wants to have a fancier home with other pages that are related to Jake and his new novel The Song of Jonas, and the many more books of high strangeness and many more blog posts of even higher ridiculousness to come. So if you or a distant family member living in a gulog in Siberia who is really bored, want to continue to enjoy posts on 'Jake's Blog' then get your little hiney over to Jake's website and click on the blog tab, or go directly to http://jakehansennovels.com/blog/ and let your brain cells feast on the psychedelic buffet that only promises to get weirder and weirder, until the cheetah running on the treadmill within the author's brain ceases to run and churn the divine wheels therein. I hope to see you all there.
Sayonara, Peace
Jake
The Blog for all things about the author Jake C. Hansen or his string of reallly strange novels titled The Song of Jonas
Friday, April 7, 2017
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Post about new Star Wars movie "Rogue One."
Yes, if you were breathlessly waiting for this update to finally come, I did see Rogue One at last. Do you want to read a detailed, insightful, deeply philosophical, and hilarious blog about it? Well, this is not that blog. I thought the movie was OK and I'll just leave it at that....
BUT!!!! I did come by something very, very interesting lately on the internets, and I am inspired to share it with you here. What is it, you ask? It is a detailed transcript of the director of Rogue One, Gareth Edwards, holding preliminary discussions about the development of the movie with the executives of Twentieth Century Fox studio.
For reference purposes Gareth Edwards is abbreviated "GE," studio executives are "SE" and numbered 1-20 because that was actually a slow day in the studio. "A" stands for assistant and they are numbered as well. So without another word I give you the actual, real life planning of Star Wars Rogue One as it happened!
GE: "Good morning gentlemen. Thank you all for coming. I'd like to say that I'm thankful you gave me the opportunity of directing the next Star Wars movie."
SE1: "Gareth, how much experience do you have with Star Trek?"
GE:"Ummm, it's Star Wars."
SE2:"What's Star Wars?"
SE3:"The movie Gareth's making."
SE2:"Oh, I thought it was Star Trek."
SE4:"What number is it anyway? Like episode 12 already?"
GE:"No, it's episode 3.5."
SE1:"So, who is the target audience?"
GE:"I think people who haven't seen episodes 4, 5, 6 and so won't know how it ends."
SE1:"Oh, that makes sense."
SE7:"And Gareth, since there will be so many more Star Wars movies after, this one is basically just a two hour commercial for those other movies to come later."
GE:"Oh, I see."
SE2:"If this is a new series isn't it part 1?"
GE:"No, part one was made in 1998."
SE1:"But wasn't the first one filmed in 1977?"
GE:"Yes, but that was part four."
SE4:"So what you're saying is part one was filmed twenty years after part four?"
GE:"Yes."
SE1:"Right. That makes perfect sense."
Ten assistants walk in carrying thirty caramel Macchiatos. Assistant 1 is new, bright eyed, and bushy tailed. His spirit hasn't yet been crushed by the Hollywood machine and so he thinks he still has relevant insights to contribute. This would be the last time he ever thinks that again.
A1:"Gareth, don't you think that people will get sick of so many Star Wars movies after a while?"
GE:"What do you mean?"
A1:"Well what I'm saying is that there are lots of movies planned and I just think that...
The assistant drones on and on and Gareth listens. Gareth gets increasingly nervous. His hand hovers over a control panel on the conference table and his finger falls on a big red button.
A1:"And I just think that the newly planned Boba Fett movies might be a little too...
Gareth pushes the red button, the floor opens up and the assistant falls through into a black pit. Then the floor closes back up again. The studio executives all clap and cheer "bravo" and "good form." The remaining assistants took their submissive positions behind their perspective executive long ago.
GE:"That is a good point, though. Maybe we are over-saturating the market with Star Wars."
SE1:"How many do we have planned on coming out?"
GE:"Fifteen in the next four years."
SE2:"That is a lot!"
SE3:"Don't worry about that, we have covered that contingency. We are just going to put out so many Star Wars movies that fans won't even have time to get sick of them. They'll be way too busy going to more Star Wars movies. By the time they're sick of them we'll have made them all anyway."
SE1:"That's just brilliant!"
All the executives clap again and begin talking about how much money they'll all be making.
They all eat lunch.
GE:"So, what is the jist, the heart, the crux and meat of this movie going to be?"
SE1:"I've got this. See Gareth, it's going to be named Star Wars, but it won't really be Star Wars. Instead, it'll be more like Saving Private Ryan but with a Star Wars title and Star Wars sounding names. Nobody will be able to tell the difference, though."
GE:"Really? Are you really sure that will work?"
SE12:"See Gareth, Star Wars was basically a brilliant mistake by George Lucas. He doesn't even know how he did it. Just remember that later he tried to make more and they turned out to be steamy turds. So if George Lucas doesn't know how to make Star Wars, nobody does. So we'll just make whatever we want anyway."
GE:"Okayyyyy."
SE2:"Yeah, but Gareth. There will, of course, be a small minority of people who just don't like rehashings of other people's tired old ideas. But we can't help that. What we've learned is that people mostly like what other people like."
GE:"Okay, but what about originality, creativity, and inspiration?"
The entire conference room of twenty studio executives bursts out in maniacal laughter for thirty minutes straight.
SE15:"Oh, Gareth, you're hilarious."
GE:"Thanks, I guess."
SE8:"Gareth, where did you get the names for these characters. There's Jyne Erso, Chirrut Imway, and Saw Guererra. These names all sound like they're taken from a Home Depot gardening catalog written in Russian."
GE:"Actually, that's exactly where George Lucas gets all his character names. That's very astute of you."
SE3:"Good observation number 8."
SE8:"Thank you number 3."
SE9:"Gareth, can we wrap this up? There's a killer Eyes Wide Shut party happening at 9 and I still have to get my costume."
GE:"Oh, yeah, I have to get my costume too."
SE15:"But what if we don't make a billion dollars this time?"
SE2:"We'll say we got hacked by the Djiboutians."
SE15:"Oh, that's just brilliant!!"
SE4:"Do they even have internet in Djibouti?"
SE7:"Who cares!?"
Again the executives all laugh for ten minutes.
GE:"Okay, gentlemen, thanks for coming. I'm sure this movie will make millions and millions of dollars regardless of what I do. Kind of like James Bond is now."
SE1:"Now you're getting it Gareth. Welcome to the team of MAKING MONEY!"
END of transcript
So folks, as you can see this exciting and informative meeting is a microcosm of the groundbreaking and revolutionary work being done in this era of Hollywood. I hope you enjoyed your little snippet of how the big movers and shakers plan movies nowadays. I know I did. So until next time, stay frosty, and keep watching old movies!
Sayonara,
Jake
BUT!!!! I did come by something very, very interesting lately on the internets, and I am inspired to share it with you here. What is it, you ask? It is a detailed transcript of the director of Rogue One, Gareth Edwards, holding preliminary discussions about the development of the movie with the executives of Twentieth Century Fox studio.
For reference purposes Gareth Edwards is abbreviated "GE," studio executives are "SE" and numbered 1-20 because that was actually a slow day in the studio. "A" stands for assistant and they are numbered as well. So without another word I give you the actual, real life planning of Star Wars Rogue One as it happened!
GE: "Good morning gentlemen. Thank you all for coming. I'd like to say that I'm thankful you gave me the opportunity of directing the next Star Wars movie."
SE1: "Gareth, how much experience do you have with Star Trek?"
GE:"Ummm, it's Star Wars."
SE2:"What's Star Wars?"
SE3:"The movie Gareth's making."
SE2:"Oh, I thought it was Star Trek."
SE4:"What number is it anyway? Like episode 12 already?"
GE:"No, it's episode 3.5."
SE1:"So, who is the target audience?"
GE:"I think people who haven't seen episodes 4, 5, 6 and so won't know how it ends."
SE1:"Oh, that makes sense."
SE7:"And Gareth, since there will be so many more Star Wars movies after, this one is basically just a two hour commercial for those other movies to come later."
GE:"Oh, I see."
SE2:"If this is a new series isn't it part 1?"
GE:"No, part one was made in 1998."
SE1:"But wasn't the first one filmed in 1977?"
GE:"Yes, but that was part four."
SE4:"So what you're saying is part one was filmed twenty years after part four?"
GE:"Yes."
SE1:"Right. That makes perfect sense."
Ten assistants walk in carrying thirty caramel Macchiatos. Assistant 1 is new, bright eyed, and bushy tailed. His spirit hasn't yet been crushed by the Hollywood machine and so he thinks he still has relevant insights to contribute. This would be the last time he ever thinks that again.
A1:"Gareth, don't you think that people will get sick of so many Star Wars movies after a while?"
GE:"What do you mean?"
A1:"Well what I'm saying is that there are lots of movies planned and I just think that...
The assistant drones on and on and Gareth listens. Gareth gets increasingly nervous. His hand hovers over a control panel on the conference table and his finger falls on a big red button.
A1:"And I just think that the newly planned Boba Fett movies might be a little too...
Gareth pushes the red button, the floor opens up and the assistant falls through into a black pit. Then the floor closes back up again. The studio executives all clap and cheer "bravo" and "good form." The remaining assistants took their submissive positions behind their perspective executive long ago.
GE:"That is a good point, though. Maybe we are over-saturating the market with Star Wars."
SE1:"How many do we have planned on coming out?"
GE:"Fifteen in the next four years."
SE2:"That is a lot!"
SE3:"Don't worry about that, we have covered that contingency. We are just going to put out so many Star Wars movies that fans won't even have time to get sick of them. They'll be way too busy going to more Star Wars movies. By the time they're sick of them we'll have made them all anyway."
SE1:"That's just brilliant!"
All the executives clap again and begin talking about how much money they'll all be making.
They all eat lunch.
GE:"So, what is the jist, the heart, the crux and meat of this movie going to be?"
SE1:"I've got this. See Gareth, it's going to be named Star Wars, but it won't really be Star Wars. Instead, it'll be more like Saving Private Ryan but with a Star Wars title and Star Wars sounding names. Nobody will be able to tell the difference, though."
GE:"Really? Are you really sure that will work?"
SE12:"See Gareth, Star Wars was basically a brilliant mistake by George Lucas. He doesn't even know how he did it. Just remember that later he tried to make more and they turned out to be steamy turds. So if George Lucas doesn't know how to make Star Wars, nobody does. So we'll just make whatever we want anyway."
GE:"Okayyyyy."
SE2:"Yeah, but Gareth. There will, of course, be a small minority of people who just don't like rehashings of other people's tired old ideas. But we can't help that. What we've learned is that people mostly like what other people like."
GE:"Okay, but what about originality, creativity, and inspiration?"
The entire conference room of twenty studio executives bursts out in maniacal laughter for thirty minutes straight.
SE15:"Oh, Gareth, you're hilarious."
GE:"Thanks, I guess."
SE8:"Gareth, where did you get the names for these characters. There's Jyne Erso, Chirrut Imway, and Saw Guererra. These names all sound like they're taken from a Home Depot gardening catalog written in Russian."
GE:"Actually, that's exactly where George Lucas gets all his character names. That's very astute of you."
SE3:"Good observation number 8."
SE8:"Thank you number 3."
SE9:"Gareth, can we wrap this up? There's a killer Eyes Wide Shut party happening at 9 and I still have to get my costume."
GE:"Oh, yeah, I have to get my costume too."
SE15:"But what if we don't make a billion dollars this time?"
SE2:"We'll say we got hacked by the Djiboutians."
SE15:"Oh, that's just brilliant!!"
SE4:"Do they even have internet in Djibouti?"
SE7:"Who cares!?"
Again the executives all laugh for ten minutes.
GE:"Okay, gentlemen, thanks for coming. I'm sure this movie will make millions and millions of dollars regardless of what I do. Kind of like James Bond is now."
SE1:"Now you're getting it Gareth. Welcome to the team of MAKING MONEY!"
END of transcript
So folks, as you can see this exciting and informative meeting is a microcosm of the groundbreaking and revolutionary work being done in this era of Hollywood. I hope you enjoyed your little snippet of how the big movers and shakers plan movies nowadays. I know I did. So until next time, stay frosty, and keep watching old movies!
Sayonara,
Jake
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Preview of release of my first Sci-Fi Young Adult Novel
Hey, person(s) who read this blog, how are you? I'm really good, mainly because I got the photo for what will be my first of many novels to come. It's self published and will be available around mid October or early November. You will be able to buy a copy, or man copies, on Amazon and Apple i-books in ebook form, or a copy in print on demand form from Amazon, if you want a real, actual book to hold in your hot little hands.
I will be posting more updates when I get more info on when it will be available and on what sites. But for right now here is a picture of the cover.
I will be posting more updates when I get more info on when it will be available and on what sites. But for right now here is a picture of the cover.
So, needless to say, I'm totally psyched about it. Jason at Jera Publishing did a great job and I can't wait until it's in real book form and I can take it everywhere with me and show it to everyone! Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll write to you again shortly, I hope.
Sayonara
Peace
Jake
Monday, August 15, 2016
The long anticipated New Ghostbusters 2016 Blog. Also titled "don't listen to the Ghostbros anymore!"
Ahhh, Ghostbusters... If you are a movie fan and you know me chances are that sooner or later we'll be quoting Ghostbusters back and forth and with good reason. It's a movie that reminds us why we like movies. It shows you what can happen when a studio doesn't micromanage something to death or try to cater to a specific fan base. Its what happens when true creative geniuses, comedic geniuses, and a great director come together and make something special.
And yet it got remade this year and to tell you the truth the new movie was good. Paul Fiege's work on Spy and Bridesmaids was excellent and the female actors are some of the funniest that I've seen in recent years. Just watch the first half hour of Spy and you'll see what I mean.
The first act of the new Ghostbusters is just as funny if not more so. Paul Fiege and his actresses excel in this type of funny and silly character-building shenanigans and this is by far the best part of the movie. So good that it warrants a 7.5/10 grade, 8/10 if I'm being very generous.
The second act suffers from trying to put in as many Ghostbuster gadgets and themes as possible to pay homage to the original, which is okay. I mean, its probably hard to make a remake of a movie that is on so many fans's Mt. Rushmore of movies. Mt. Rushmore, at least to me, includes Ghostbusters, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Caddyshack. Many will chose to argue this, but for me they are already carved, adorned, and set in stone.
But that doesn't mean that I'm going to fly off the handle if a movie on Mt. Rushmore gets remade like the current Ghostbro phemonnon which is particularly disturbing and downright lame. It is reminiscent of the Gamer Gate scenario which I won't go into here but is equally lame and dumb. I ask, if you don't like a movie why not just not watch it? Do you have to post a hundred angry reviews to IMDB and then post angry reviews to other movies with the same actor or director in them? The saying goes, out of the contents of the heart the mouth speaketh. It doesn't take Freud to tell me there's a lot of misguided and repressed anger and hatred, that comes out in the online community where there's no risk of real consequence or someone can make multiple fake accounts altogether.
There was a hilarious scenario recently where two famous comedians, Dave Chapelle and someone else were talking and they mentioned that there had been an argument or angry exchange between them on Twitter. And the second comedian says, "You know Dave, I didn't write those things. I don't even have a Twitter account."
And Dave replies, "Man, I don't have an account either." Meaning, 2 people had created fake accounts with their names on them and had a fake argument.
So to any Ghostbro reading this, I challenge you to live a deeper life than just worshiping your toys, movies, and video games as all there is, and to not fly off the handle like a mental patient when it even sniffs like somehow, someday, maybe, if the planets all align they will come under threat from someone or something new and a meteor might collide with the Earth.
There's a saying in Yoga that one should "Live simply and think Highly." Meaning, not putting all your attention on "things" and acquiring them, because at death you have to leave them all behind anyway. Because honestly, in five hundred years we might not even have movies or video games anymore or they could be thought of as toys of a near Neanderthal like people that are almost all forgotten by then. Or our civilization will be completely wiped out and the only survivors will be living in dense jungles that completely cover every city, road, and building and "Gunga, lagunga," will be a near meaningless phrase thought to come from an ancient myth instead of part of one of my favorite speeches from any movie ever.
Thanks for reading again. Maybe an Olympics blog will come next.
Sayonara, Peace
Jake
And yet it got remade this year and to tell you the truth the new movie was good. Paul Fiege's work on Spy and Bridesmaids was excellent and the female actors are some of the funniest that I've seen in recent years. Just watch the first half hour of Spy and you'll see what I mean.
The first act of the new Ghostbusters is just as funny if not more so. Paul Fiege and his actresses excel in this type of funny and silly character-building shenanigans and this is by far the best part of the movie. So good that it warrants a 7.5/10 grade, 8/10 if I'm being very generous.
The second act suffers from trying to put in as many Ghostbuster gadgets and themes as possible to pay homage to the original, which is okay. I mean, its probably hard to make a remake of a movie that is on so many fans's Mt. Rushmore of movies. Mt. Rushmore, at least to me, includes Ghostbusters, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Caddyshack. Many will chose to argue this, but for me they are already carved, adorned, and set in stone.
But that doesn't mean that I'm going to fly off the handle if a movie on Mt. Rushmore gets remade like the current Ghostbro phemonnon which is particularly disturbing and downright lame. It is reminiscent of the Gamer Gate scenario which I won't go into here but is equally lame and dumb. I ask, if you don't like a movie why not just not watch it? Do you have to post a hundred angry reviews to IMDB and then post angry reviews to other movies with the same actor or director in them? The saying goes, out of the contents of the heart the mouth speaketh. It doesn't take Freud to tell me there's a lot of misguided and repressed anger and hatred, that comes out in the online community where there's no risk of real consequence or someone can make multiple fake accounts altogether.
There was a hilarious scenario recently where two famous comedians, Dave Chapelle and someone else were talking and they mentioned that there had been an argument or angry exchange between them on Twitter. And the second comedian says, "You know Dave, I didn't write those things. I don't even have a Twitter account."
And Dave replies, "Man, I don't have an account either." Meaning, 2 people had created fake accounts with their names on them and had a fake argument.
So to any Ghostbro reading this, I challenge you to live a deeper life than just worshiping your toys, movies, and video games as all there is, and to not fly off the handle like a mental patient when it even sniffs like somehow, someday, maybe, if the planets all align they will come under threat from someone or something new and a meteor might collide with the Earth.
There's a saying in Yoga that one should "Live simply and think Highly." Meaning, not putting all your attention on "things" and acquiring them, because at death you have to leave them all behind anyway. Because honestly, in five hundred years we might not even have movies or video games anymore or they could be thought of as toys of a near Neanderthal like people that are almost all forgotten by then. Or our civilization will be completely wiped out and the only survivors will be living in dense jungles that completely cover every city, road, and building and "Gunga, lagunga," will be a near meaningless phrase thought to come from an ancient myth instead of part of one of my favorite speeches from any movie ever.
Thanks for reading again. Maybe an Olympics blog will come next.
Sayonara, Peace
Jake
Monday, May 30, 2016
Jake's blog: Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29...
Jake's blog: Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29...: Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29 th , 2016 Do I want to see Captain America Civil War? I don’t really know Jake let m...
Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29th, 2016
Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29th,
2016
Do I want to see Captain America
Civil War? I don’t really know Jake let me think about it. Okay Jake, think
about it for as long as you like. Thank you Jake. But Jake, I don't understand, why is Captain
America even fighting Iron Man, it doesn’t make any sense at all. And Jake my
man, why is Spiderman getting involved, shouldn’t he just mind his own
business? What’s next, Archie and Jughead join the Avengers? Is this what comic
book movies are coming to these days, just Mr. X vs. Dude Y because ‘oh, who
knows just blow some stuff up and say it was in a comic book and people will watch it no matter what.’-Movie Studio Executive.
Yes, that was an actual quote from a movie studio executive.
I myself am theorizing that the Mr.
X vs. Dude Y for whatever reason genre is just getting started and therefore I will wait
until it fully finds its voice until I start to watch them. For example, I am
highly anticipating the release of ‘Raggedy Anne vs. Raggedy Andy; The Sewing
War,’ and the instant classic ‘Bugs Bunny vs. Roger Rabbit vs. Peter Rabbit vs.
A Farming Combine; Do We Really Need a Reason?’ So until these soon to be
wonderful works of art grace a silver screen near me I might just sit on this
developing genre that will soon prove to be the most incredible of all time.
Also, I am planning on seeing
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles part two coming to theaters on June 3rd
which I admit is another shameless and low-brow entry into the franchise but I
am helpless to resist anything with ninja turtles in it so there, that’s my
true and only weakness. I could save time by just mailing $15 to Michael Bay
and then have the nearest stranger on the street kick me in the nuts and be done with it, but
then I wouldn’t be able to write a review for my lovely readers who read this
blog under blanket and pillow forts with flashlights at midnight. And so
that is why I will pry my eyelids open with electrical tape and plop down in front of the next cgi
fantasmagorical whatchamacallit and try to enjoy it the best that I can. And I
tell you, it will take all the strength infused into me from four billion years
of evolution to do it, but I will. Wish me luck.
Sayonara, Peace
Jake
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Post on random stream of consciousness musings from a musing muse coming to you at one million silvery watts of awesomness.
First, lets just say that I haven't posted for a while so lots of things are going to bubble up and find a home in this particular blog which will be called "The Birthday Blog," because yes, that's a good name for a blog right?
1. Netflix-Now I live under a rock most of the time, but it's a nice rock and I like it so because of that i have never sat down and looked around Netflix and binged watched anything yet. That is until nowwwwwww. I think the other reason is that I don't own a TV, but that is for good reasons too, #1 being that I get wayyyyyyy more writing done without one. And that's the only reason this young Lawrence of Arabia of the University District needs by golly!
I love watching documentaries because they are just so cool and learny and so far on the Net'sflix I have found tons and great ones, for example one about Ninja warriors where they saith that Ninjas didn't even eat sweets or onions or even garlic because if they did then samurai guards could smell them coming in the night! That's just so amazingly cool and also a dose of reality that I will never be a great ninja warrior because for that reason among many others of course. I don't think being known as the "burpy and flatulent ninja"
would strike fear into anyone let alone crazy strong samurai, if there were any around anymore that is.
So, during one sessoin of perusing the Net'sflix I found a new mucho favorito showo called The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and it's awesome and just so funny that I can't stop rewatching it over again even though I burned through the first two and only two seasons in like three days and now feel that I've lost a dear friend that I won't get to see again, that is until a third season comes on which I can't wait for. I did this doing something I invented called "binge watching" a TV show. And from here on out I do copyright that saying for all time.
The gist of this show on the Net'sflix is that Kimmy Schmidt was kidnapped at 15 years old and kept underground in an apocalypse cult by an evil reverend in a bunker and after 15 years she finally gets freed.
She and her three other bunker mates are instantly famous and known as "the Indiana Mole Women," and Kimmy decides to live in New York City which of course is the exact opposite of a secluded strange bunker with only four other people in it. Let's just say that Kimmy is a huge fish out of water and the resulting culture shock is the hilarious underlying pulse to the show. I definitely recommend this show to anyone who likes shows and to laugh at said shows.
2. Next I watched Bloodsport with Jean Claude Van Damme who has to be one of the best martial arts actors not named Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan. I would even put him above Mr. Chan. Ahh, Bloodsport, a movie I hadn't seen since I was 13 and just blasted me with unintentional comedy and in a good way like all cheesy 80's and early 90's action movies should do. In fact in watching it again I learned at the end via helpful white text before the end credits that it was based upon the real life accomplishments of a martial arts fighter named Frank Dux who was Kumite champion and even founded his own fighting style called Dux-Ryu which I guess is a type of ninjitsu? Maybe? Or a form of self defense hairstyling?
Anyway, it is here that I end mine ode to Netflix, who even though has killed Blockbuster forever and was inaccessible to me until I started working for a certain client, I do bow to with great respect. But I also warn you Netflix not to get cheeky and take off or prevent lots of great and older movies from being available for dumb, petty disagreements with movie studios whose executives already go home and dive into their Scrooge McDuck money silos at the end of the day anyway.
Oh yeah and today is my birthday! Yeah, now Sionara and hasta la vista babies!
Jake
1. Netflix-Now I live under a rock most of the time, but it's a nice rock and I like it so because of that i have never sat down and looked around Netflix and binged watched anything yet. That is until nowwwwwww. I think the other reason is that I don't own a TV, but that is for good reasons too, #1 being that I get wayyyyyyy more writing done without one. And that's the only reason this young Lawrence of Arabia of the University District needs by golly!
I love watching documentaries because they are just so cool and learny and so far on the Net'sflix I have found tons and great ones, for example one about Ninja warriors where they saith that Ninjas didn't even eat sweets or onions or even garlic because if they did then samurai guards could smell them coming in the night! That's just so amazingly cool and also a dose of reality that I will never be a great ninja warrior because for that reason among many others of course. I don't think being known as the "burpy and flatulent ninja"
would strike fear into anyone let alone crazy strong samurai, if there were any around anymore that is.
So, during one sessoin of perusing the Net'sflix I found a new mucho favorito showo called The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and it's awesome and just so funny that I can't stop rewatching it over again even though I burned through the first two and only two seasons in like three days and now feel that I've lost a dear friend that I won't get to see again, that is until a third season comes on which I can't wait for. I did this doing something I invented called "binge watching" a TV show. And from here on out I do copyright that saying for all time.
The gist of this show on the Net'sflix is that Kimmy Schmidt was kidnapped at 15 years old and kept underground in an apocalypse cult by an evil reverend in a bunker and after 15 years she finally gets freed.
She and her three other bunker mates are instantly famous and known as "the Indiana Mole Women," and Kimmy decides to live in New York City which of course is the exact opposite of a secluded strange bunker with only four other people in it. Let's just say that Kimmy is a huge fish out of water and the resulting culture shock is the hilarious underlying pulse to the show. I definitely recommend this show to anyone who likes shows and to laugh at said shows.
2. Next I watched Bloodsport with Jean Claude Van Damme who has to be one of the best martial arts actors not named Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan. I would even put him above Mr. Chan. Ahh, Bloodsport, a movie I hadn't seen since I was 13 and just blasted me with unintentional comedy and in a good way like all cheesy 80's and early 90's action movies should do. In fact in watching it again I learned at the end via helpful white text before the end credits that it was based upon the real life accomplishments of a martial arts fighter named Frank Dux who was Kumite champion and even founded his own fighting style called Dux-Ryu which I guess is a type of ninjitsu? Maybe? Or a form of self defense hairstyling?
Anyway, it is here that I end mine ode to Netflix, who even though has killed Blockbuster forever and was inaccessible to me until I started working for a certain client, I do bow to with great respect. But I also warn you Netflix not to get cheeky and take off or prevent lots of great and older movies from being available for dumb, petty disagreements with movie studios whose executives already go home and dive into their Scrooge McDuck money silos at the end of the day anyway.
Oh yeah and today is my birthday! Yeah, now Sionara and hasta la vista babies!
Jake
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