Totally Real Journal Entry for Jake Hansen, May 29th,
2016
Do I want to see Captain America
Civil War? I don’t really know Jake let me think about it. Okay Jake, think
about it for as long as you like. Thank you Jake. But Jake, I don't understand, why is Captain
America even fighting Iron Man, it doesn’t make any sense at all. And Jake my
man, why is Spiderman getting involved, shouldn’t he just mind his own
business? What’s next, Archie and Jughead join the Avengers? Is this what comic
book movies are coming to these days, just Mr. X vs. Dude Y because ‘oh, who
knows just blow some stuff up and say it was in a comic book and people will watch it no matter what.’-Movie Studio Executive.
Yes, that was an actual quote from a movie studio executive.
I myself am theorizing that the Mr.
X vs. Dude Y for whatever reason genre is just getting started and therefore I will wait
until it fully finds its voice until I start to watch them. For example, I am
highly anticipating the release of ‘Raggedy Anne vs. Raggedy Andy; The Sewing
War,’ and the instant classic ‘Bugs Bunny vs. Roger Rabbit vs. Peter Rabbit vs.
A Farming Combine; Do We Really Need a Reason?’ So until these soon to be
wonderful works of art grace a silver screen near me I might just sit on this
developing genre that will soon prove to be the most incredible of all time.
Also, I am planning on seeing
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles part two coming to theaters on June 3rd
which I admit is another shameless and low-brow entry into the franchise but I
am helpless to resist anything with ninja turtles in it so there, that’s my
true and only weakness. I could save time by just mailing $15 to Michael Bay
and then have the nearest stranger on the street kick me in the nuts and be done with it, but
then I wouldn’t be able to write a review for my lovely readers who read this
blog under blanket and pillow forts with flashlights at midnight. And so
that is why I will pry my eyelids open with electrical tape and plop down in front of the next cgi
fantasmagorical whatchamacallit and try to enjoy it the best that I can. And I
tell you, it will take all the strength infused into me from four billion years
of evolution to do it, but I will. Wish me luck.
Sayonara, Peace
Jake
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